I know it is helpful and reasonable to have benchmarks and developmental guidelines for my child. But as a first-time parent I go through a mental crisis every few months when I realize how little I know about helping a child develop. I don't know that he is supposed to know his body parts or know how to jump with two feet. I often feel like I really enjoy and love being with my child and would be very happy, if only I didn't have to also parent him--helping him learn how to eat, how to play nice, how to meet others and say his letters. It is a lot of pressure.
Stylin at 22 months
And now I face the hard truth that Jude is struggling a bit. He does not have the expressive vocabulary that some children his age do. We made the choice to have him evaluated for a free state program. And they came back with praise for many things but they agree that Jude could use speech therapy to help him express what he obviously understands.
It is hard to separate my child's performance from my identity...when I am the parent who is home with him. I told Greg last night that we are people who succeed, excel, and this is humbling and challenging when Jude does not measure up to some of his peers in this way.
So now for perspective today. I have to stop and think and ponder. My son is happy. He is healthy. He has a wonderful smile and a creative mind to explore, tinker, and yes, destroy many things he discovers in his world. He will be OK. The problem here is with me and my expectation that my child will always measure up.
I think this is a lesson longer-term parents learn, but now its my turn to get it.
Thank goodness God knew we couldn't measure up, that we can't be perfect our own. That we need his grace, and yes, the death of His son Jesus, to pay for our performance gap in life. And thank goodness he did.
Happy Easter to all you friends and parents from a fellow parent who doesn't measure up and yet keeps going.
I am treading through the Serenity Prayer these days and wanted to share it with you:
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time,
accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His will.
That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him forever in the next.
I admire your honesty in this post. I think you're voicing what a lot of parents fear and experience, only you've come to the place of realizing what many of them haven't. I'm sure Jude will get to where he needs to be because God is wise and because his parents clearly love him well.
ReplyDeleteWe also had to deal with this when we decided to have Alex evaluated. In the end, speech therapy was the BEST decision we made. It took awhile to see progress, but once he started to make progress, it all clicked and he took off. Feel free to ask any questions about our experience.
ReplyDeleteWill has been though speech therapy. It was funny as he has always had his own language as we called it. Once he was in therapy things really came along. He loved the individual attention that it gave him. He really excelled and now is very advanced beyond some other children at the time were ahead of him. Just relax and give him tools as you are and they will be wonderful!
ReplyDelete:)